did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
