dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
