I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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