Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
