i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
