i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
