There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
