Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
