the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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