Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
