He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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