I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
even my farts smell like vagina
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
