Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
