please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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