we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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