Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just google imaged poop.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
