FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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