Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
