I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
