you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
