Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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