Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
