I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
