He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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