I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
