How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
