and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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