Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
