Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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