If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize
