Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
