I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
