pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
