Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
