One girl and one boy is just not enough.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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