I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
