this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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