Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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