D3 body, D1 cock
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Found the puke drawer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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