i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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