D3 body, D1 cock
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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