Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
