Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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