I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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