just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
