I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Quick, to the slutcave!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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