i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
