Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
