I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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