Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
