god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
