it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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