Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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