Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
