You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
