I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
