Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
