What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
