According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
