It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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