So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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