All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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