So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
