she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
