I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
